Thursday, August 12, 2010

Am I Worthy?

I had a dream once that I was in an old farm house that had a door that opened up to a wooden stairway leading down to the basement. The only light was a bare light bulb with a string when pulled turned it on and off. My hand reached in the dark for this string and turned on the light to expose the basement full of dusty boxes. My eyes squinted from the glare. My nose ached from the smell of mildew. There was no hand rail so I braced myself by placing my one hand on the damp wall as I decended the stairs. Many of the boxes were labeled right on the cardboard; others seemed older, made of wood or metal and had no identifying marks on them. I swallowed hard to try to force the lump down out of my throat. That lump must have been a ball of fear since all my courage seemed to be left at the doorway. I looked and looked at the inventory and then I saw a small door. Curiosity gained strenghth over my fear. I opened the door. The room was filled with filing cabinets full of folders. My eyes rapidly scanned the titles and landed on the folder titled 'Unworthiness'. There was no dust on this folder; it appeared this folder had been reviewed multiple times according to the wear on the sides of the folder. When I opened the folder words copied on small pieces of paper fell out onto the floor. I picked them up and read each one as I put them back into the folder. The words included: not good enough, can't do it, nobody notices, who cares, it will never happen because of you, why bother, it doesn't matter, you don't matter.
I woke up in a sweat, my heart pounding, sobbing and crying out the words, "I don't believe it. These are lies, I do matter." I was upset by the dream and everytime I remember it, I get upset all over again. I am upset now.
Those words may have been true at sometime in my life but not now. I know people who know me love me and the most important person is the Lover of my Soul. He has given me all my worth. My Lord Jesus is worthy and He has saved me from my past and made me worthy of love and honor. This is part of the Gospel message that I now have etched upon my spirit. I don't have to hide behind words others have spoken over me or thoughts they have directed toward me.
I don't have to hide from others behind an overweight body, a down cast look, a feeling of failure, an attitude of shame, fear, or unworthiness. Not anymore. The folder can now be emptied of those words and turned inside out and relabeled. I shall now title this folder "I am worthy." The only words I need to save in this folder are: I am worthy by the blood of Jesus." This folder will not go back to the basement but stay upstairs where others can see it and I can be reminded of it everyday.

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